it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
