I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
