im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
