You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
