Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
