and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
