The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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