my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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