My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
