Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
