Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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