I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
