the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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