As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
