Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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