he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
