yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i've created a new STD.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
