the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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