quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
