i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
