onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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