please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
