I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
