i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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