Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
