If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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