It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
