No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
