Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
