There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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