ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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