thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
