Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
