Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
