he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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