you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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