I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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