i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize