I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
