Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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