i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
