I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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