His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
