I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
