chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
