Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
