I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
