have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
