I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
