He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
