it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
