Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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