I need to stop coming to work sober
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
