I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize