I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I accidentally burped into my bong.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
