she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
