so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
