I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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