I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
don't judge my taste in strippers
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
