Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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