Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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