i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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