Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
