The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
