I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
