I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
