I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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