Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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