So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
