New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
