gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize