your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
