oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
