he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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