It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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